Setting Boundaries in the Face of Anxiety

In the last few years, boundary setting has been getting a lot of attention. Covid reshaped how we want to spend our time, and many of us discovered the need for stronger, clearer limits. Add to that the constant pings from smart devices (why even in my meditation class yesterday), and it’s no surprise we are reassessing how much of ourselves we want to give away and where.

Truly, Why Set Boundaries?

• When our boundaries align with what matters most, you stop wasting energy second-guessing every decision. Fewer “should I?” moments mean less mental clutter and more calm. Essentially, we lighten our mental load.

• Boundaries help manage anxious feelings particularly in the long run and protect our general mood. The anxious feelings in the short term can be better managed with new strategies and practice.

• Healthy limits create stronger, more respectful connections with partners, family, friends, and colleagues while also helping you avoid toxic dynamics. We may think setting boundaries creates walls however it really strengthens our relationships.

• Boundaries aren’t just to protect us emotionally, they are helpful in protecting our physical health too. Without them, stress hormones like cortisol stay elevated which weakens our immune system. When we take care of our stress levels we allow our body to repair, making us less vulnerable to illness.

• For those living with immune-related conditions, boundaries are essential. Setting limits creates space for rest, healing, and potential relapses.

• Every time you set a boundary, you reinforce trust in yourself. That confidence fuels resilience and allows you to show up in relationships without burning out.

  
  

Why Setting Boundaries Actually Honours the People Who Matter

Here’s the thing: every relationship, whether it’s at work, at home, or with that friend who pings you at midnight, runs better when healthy boundaries are in place. A simple, open conversation with that midnight texter can stop resentment from festering and keep the connection strong.

On the flip side, ignoring someone’s boundaries leaves them feeling uneasy, and over time it chips away at trust. Without clear limits, relationships buckle under unspoken expectations and can slide into toxicity. With boundaries, though, relationships breathe easier. They grow sturdier amongst respect because everyone knows where they stand.

And I really can't point this out enough, boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about making space for the people who matter most to get the very best of you.

It’s like swinging the gate wide and saying, “Yes, come on in—I’ve got the energy and presence for you.”

When Anxiety Gets in the Way

Boundaries give us safety, clarity, and breathing space. But, actually putting them in place can feel like stepping off a cliff. Saying “no”, asking for what we need, or holding firm often leaves us with a racing heart and a knot in the stomach. It feels risky, even though the very thing that unsettles us in the moment is usually what soothes us in the long run.

And here’s the thing: if you live with anxiety, boundaries can feel almost impossible. Anxiety whispers, “Just say yes. Don’t rock the boat. Keep the peace.”  So, we agree even when we’re already running on empty.

Imagine this: it’s Friday, you’ve slogged through work, ferried kids to activities, kept the household afloat. You’re finally eyeing off a quiet evening when someone asks you to do that one extra thing on your way home. That sinking feeling hits. You want to say no. Instead, you smile and say, "sure, no problem". Cue anxiety, first in the dread of the request, then again in the resentment of caving.

Over time, the cycle wears you down. You might start dodging calls or delaying replies. Not because you don’t care, but because the weight of another request feels unbearable. That’s when anxiety has taken the wheel, steering your choices instead of your values and long term this is riskier than setting the boundary in the first place.

When Anxiety Becomes a Signpost

Here’s the twist: that jolt of anxiety you feel when you set a boundary isn’t always the villain. Sometimes, it’s a clue. In my blog post Rewriting the Anxiety Story: From Stress to Strength, I explored how anxiety can act as a signpost pointing to what matters most, rest, connection, friendship, self-care.

When we stop treating anxiety like a stop sign and start reading it as a guide, something shifts. That pang you feel when you say “no” to a friend? It’s not failure, it’s feedback. Yes, it stings in the short term, but it’s also telling you: this is important.

Here’s the choice we face: a spike of anxiety now, or the slow burn of resentment, exhaustion, or disconnection later. Boundaries are the bridge. They ask us to sit with the short-term discomfort so that, in the long run, we get stronger relationships, steadier health, and more energy for the people and things that matter. That knot in your stomach isn’t proof you’re doing it wrong, it’s a sign you’re reshaping your life toward what you value most.

Long Story Short

Boundary setting isn’t about being harsh, selfish, or difficult. It’s about choosing the kind of life and relationships you want to nurture. It asks for courage in the moment, but it also gives back clarity, energy, and space in the long run.

If you find yourself hesitating, heart racing as you consider a “no,” remember this: the short-term discomfort is temporary, but the long-term benefits ripple into every corner of your life. Boundaries protect your health, strengthen your connections, and honour both your needs and the people who matter most. So next time that knot in your stomach shows up, see it as a little compass pointing you back to what really counts.

Thanks for sticking with me through this read. If you want to keep the conversation going, please reach out.

Corrie xo