As the new year begins, many of us feel the pull to set resolutions. We imagine a refreshed version of ourselves, that is, more productive, healthier, and happier. But resolutions often come with immense pressure, and when we stumble, it can feel like failure, yet another commitment we haven't achieved. What if, instead of rigid resolutions, we embraced promises to ourselves? Promises that aligned with who we truly are. These subtle shifts in perspective can make all the difference in creating meaningful, long lasting change.
Resolutions vs. Promises
Resolutions often feel like declarations set in stone: “I will lose 10 kilos!” “I will work out every day!” While well-intentioned, resolutions can become fragile under the weight of perfectionism. Promises, on the other hand, emphasise intention over exactness: “I promise to prioritise my health.” This language encompasses self-compassion and allows room to navigate challenges without abandoning your goals.
The Myth of Habit Formation
In a study published by the European Journal of Social Psychology and backed up by Dr Gina Cleo of the Habit Change Institute found the 21-day rule to change a habit is a myth! In actual fact it takes, on average, 66 days to form a new habit. But the exact timeline varies for each person and depends on factors like consistency, context, and complexity. Habits are not forged overnight, nor do they thrive under the pressure of drastic overhauls. Instead, small, consistent actions over time create a ripple effect toward lasting change. Think SMART Goals - Achievable!
Start Small: Break It Down
One key to success is breaking your larger goal into smaller, achievable steps. For example, instead of resolving to “eat healthier,” start by promising to include one extra serving of vegetables in your meals each day. These bite-sized changes build confidence, momentum over time and become increasingly sustainable.
Embrace Imperfection and Flexibility
No change journey is without setbacks. Gretchen Rubin, author of Better Than Before, emphasises that habits should be tailored to fit your personality and circumstances. If you slip up, remind yourself that progress is not linear. Imperfection is a natural part of growth, and flexibility is essential for sustaining momentum.
Making Your Promises Stick
Here are practical ways to ensure your promises become a lasting part of your life:
Anchor New Habits to Existing Ones: Pairing a new habit with an established one (e.g., meditating after brushing your teeth) creates an easier pathway to integration - a gentle reminder of our intention.
Celebrate Small Wins: Recognise your achievements, no matter how small. This reinforces positive behaviour and keeps you motivated. I've recently changed from drinking a flat white with two sugars to a short black with honey. However today I decided to have a flat white with two sugars. I am still super proud of my achievement this week of 6 short blacks to 1 flat white! Go you!
Give It Time: Sustainable change doesn’t happen overnight. Allow yourself the grace and patience to build habits gradually.
Align Goals With Your Values: Ensure your goals align with your core values to create a sense of purpose and direction! When your actions reflect what truly matters to you, it’s easier to stay motivated and feel fulfilled in the process. Aligning with our values simply makes us feel good about ourselves and supports our overall wellbeing!
A Promise to Yourself Versus a Complete Overhaul
Rather than aiming for an all-encompassing transformation, focus on incremental adjustments. Each small change builds upon the last, creating a sustainable foundation for growth. By turning your resolutions into promises, you’re not only fostering habits but also cultivating a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself, something that may be new to you.
As you move forward, remember: the journey is not about perfection but about persistence. Your promises—made with care and intention—can lead you toward a life aligned with your values and aspirations and simply, make us feel pretty good about ourselves! Isn't that what we are truly after?
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