Self-Care: Promises Matter Especially the Ones You Keep to Yourself

Have you committed to making change for yourself, only to trip up, and feel like you’ve failed and given up before the race has even begun? You’re not alone—this is such a common pattern and a major problem when wanting to create change in our lives.

One Thing that Gets in the Way of Self-Care

It seems when we hold kindness and compassion as an important character trait the act of self-care can feel difficult. We become caught up in ‘being nice’ to others—in short putting others’ needs before our own.  

However, being ‘nice’ often comes from wanting to avoid feelings of discomfort, like disappointment or guilt. More on guilt in a future post. Compassion, on the other hand, is an authentic desire to truly support another person’s growth and wellbeing.

Take a child having a tantrum in a shopping centre. If we buy them that toy they seemingly must own, ultimately we’re being nice in the moment—but we’re also reinforcing an unhelpful behaviour. If we truly want to show the child compassion, the kinder approach is to support the child in widening their ability to regulate their emotions and develop more helpful behaviour management skills.

In short: niceness is about appearances and often about a short-term result, while compassion is about genuinely caring and wanting the best for a person in the longer term.

Instead of being ‘nice’ we can choose to live with compassion toward both ourselves and others. The trick—learning to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. If we continue to put the needs of others first, such as the child in the above example—to avoid feeling disappointment or guilt—we ultimately deplete our reserves.

It is only when we take care of ourselves, we build the emotional reserves to continue taking care of others, particularly those who truly matter.

Keeping Promises Increases Self-Efficacy

There is something simple that helps us change this behaviour. It’s following through on the promises we make to ourselves.

Promises matter. When a partner or friend follows through on a promise, we feel valued, we build a sense of trust and safety. When a parent follows through on a promise with their child, they develop confidence and self-esteem.

So, what happens if we make a promise to ourselves and we don’t follow through? It depletes our self-belief, self-efficacy and self-confidence. It’s like when we break a promise to a friend. We don’t feel good, we don’t feel trustworthy, and we are disappointed in ourselves.

If we want to feel confident. If we want to build self-esteem, we need to be able to trust that we will follow through on the promises we make ourselves. When we become consistent with the follow through, we believe in our worth.

A Small Promise I Kept Today

One of my goals is to replace my morning ritual coffee with tea—needless to say, it’s a well-established habit. Mix this with the fact my personal barista (partner) makes the best coffee in town and I at times struggle with fatigue, I am constantly tempted.

I know that in the moment, coffee feels like the quick fix for my fatigue. But I also know the slump will hit later, and by the weekend, I’m completely zapped. Today I chose tea instead, and it felt really good to follow through on that small promise to myself.

It sounds so simple, but wow—it isn’t easy. The first few days are tough: fatigue, migraines, and plenty of temptation. Still, I remind myself that by the end of the week I’ll not only feel physically better, but I’ll also carry the sense of achievement that comes from sticking with it. It’s proof that I can push through discomfort when it really matters—and that belief is worth more than the caffeine buzz.

Attributes and Benefits of Keeping Promises to Yourself

There is so much to be gained by keeping your promises to yourself. People who stay true to their commitments often share important qualities and experience powerful rewards along the way.

• Strengthen Neural Pathways — Each time you keep a promise to yourself, your brain releases a boost of dopamine, lifting your mood and sense of satisfaction. With consistency, these small wins strengthen neural pathways, making discipline feel easier and allowing new, healthier habits to take root naturally.

• Self-efficacy — Each promise you keep builds belief in your ability to follow through, creating a positive feedback loop of motivation. Over time, these small successes fuel ambition and drive, empowering you to reach for bigger goals with confidence.

• Emotional regulation — Keeping promises to yourself supports emotional regulation by building self-trust and stability. Each small follow-through reminds you that you can handle challenges, which reduces self-doubt and helps you respond to emotions with steadiness rather than react impulsively.

• Alignment with values – When you keep promises to yourself, you live in a way that reflects what truly matters to you. This deepens your sense of authenticity and helps you feel more grounded and whole.

• Self-worth: Keeping promises to yourself affirms that your needs matter, building self-worth and helping you prioritise your wellbeing. Staying true to your word also reduces self-doubt, strengthens resilience, and fosters emotional balance. Over time, this deepened self-trust grows into self-respect and guides you toward a more purposeful, fulfilling life.

  
  

Self-Reflection: Your Turn

So next time you want to make a change, choose something that is achievable, a promise you can follow through on. Each promise you follow through on, boosts confidence, strengthens neural pathways and creates momentum that makes future acts easier to achieve. This is what builds confidence within yourself which in turn reflects on those you love.

Finding Support When Self-Care Seems Hard

If you’re ready to start swapping people-pleasing for true self-care, begin with one small promise to yourself today—and follow through. It doesn’t need to be big to matter. Over time, these little acts of self-trust build the confidence and resilience you’ve been longing.

And if you’re finding it hard to keep those promises or need extra support, remember—you don’t have to do this alone. Reach out, and we can explore together how to create more space for you.

Corrie xo

Resources

Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.84.2.191

Maddux, James E., ' Self-Efficacy: The Power of Believing You Can', in Shane J. Lopez, and C. R. Snyder (eds), The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology, 2nd edn (2009; online edn, Oxford Academic, 18 Sept. 2012), https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780195187243.013.0031, accessed 25 Aug. 2025.